In March 2017, we were looking forward to the birth of our first baby, Malope. We were just one month away with our EDD being 22 April 2017…or so we thought.

We had a pretty normal pregnancy…the usual challenges but nothing to get us exceptionally worried about delivery. We were anxious but not worried. We had taken childbirth classes with my friend Ciru Ciera of Nurturing Mums. Also, my husband has a medical profession background and this too gave me a sense of confidence that I could do this.

Every pregnancy is unique. But, I also think first time pregnancy is a special kind of unique. You really have no idea…or may be all you have is an idea. Such an oxymoron.

So here we were, 4 weeks to our EDD. I had barely packed my hospital bag despite having watched so many ‘What’s in My Hospital Bag’ videos on YouTube that kept reminding me to pack up early because sometimes babies have their own unwritten and unshared schedule. They just arrive when they do? I intended to get it done around that time but I procrastinated. I had only packed toothpaste and a brush at this point.

On Monday, 20 March 2017, I got concerned that baby was kicking a lot more than she ever had, not just in my third trimester but throughout my pregnancy. It was a lot of kicking. She kicked all day literally. I wondered if she wasn’t getting tired. She kicked that much. I thought it was too much movement at this point in my third trimester. I had heard so many times that this late into your pregnancy, baby might not move as much because there isn’t so much room left to do so. I got so concerned that I called my doctor directly for the first time since we found out that we were expecting. Until then we would only call his clinic when planning to visit. This time round I called him on his cellphone.

He advised me to stay alert and let him know of any change that raised further concern no matter how petty it seemed. While the excess movement was a concern, atleast she was moving. My doctor was away and so I was scheduled for an appointment on Wednesday, 22 March just to check that all was well.

So on this day, Wednesday, 22 March 2017, my husband woke me up at about 8.30am as he left for a meeting within the neighbourhood. We had our doctor’s appointment scheduled for noon. After he left, it hit me that for the very first time in a quite long while…I had slept through the night…not woken up by baby almost kicking her way out of my belly?. I panicked a little…why had she slept so soundly when she never did before? I began trying to get her to move/kick just to make sure she was all good…nothing I had ever tried successfully worked…I tried to nudge her, I talked to her, I prayed, I drank cold water and even a cold Fanta Orange. Nothing happened, not a single movement. Perhaps she was sleeping after so much movement? I called my doctor and his words were plain and serious, ‘You need to get to the Hospital right away!’.

I knew I had to stay calm no matter what and called my husband to tell him what was happening and what the doctor had said. We left home at about 9.30am. There was mad traffic. We joined Mbagathi Way from Lang’ata Road because heading towards Nairobi West was just as congested. Mbagathi Way was our best bet

It was so jam packed that he decided to drive on the wrong side of the road, hazard/full lights on…trying to keep to the side of the road as much as possible…against the speeding cars coming down Mbagathi Way (and oh do people speed down that road!??) We went all the way to Silver Springs Hotel, still on the wrong side of the road and on to the Nairobi Hospital.

Somehow…I remained very calm. There is is a stillness that becomes your only hope when your back is against the wall. I silently prayed but also wondered how I was going to break the news to family if things didn’t turn out right.

Tests showed her heart rate had dropped significantly. Watching the heart monitor was the real awakening of how grave the situation was. She had to be taken out because induction without full comprehension of what had caused her heart to dip so much wasn’t the best option.

On my way to the theatre… smiling because…GOD❤

Fast forward to 11.30am…she was taken out…the umbilical cord wrapped so tightly around her neck. So much so that those in the theatre exclaimed at just how tight it was. In those 2 days of excess movement with little space…she had entangled herself dangerously. She cried and to date… nothing compares to the sound of her cry in those intense moments prior.

All these words just to say:

1. Trust your mummy instincts.

Sometimes it’s a false alarm and you fear making an emergency out of what is potentially nothing. It is okay to appear to be a drama queen if you must but don’t ignore your gut feeling. Your spouse/partner might tell you to wait and see if it will be better before seeking medical help…Don’t?… Just go…

2. Kicking too much can be a problem

So much focus is placed on reduced foetal movement and not on also being sensitive to too much movement depending on the stage pf pregnancy that you are at. As a mum…you just know when things are off.

3. Above all else…PRAY

Sometimes, all these things are beyond our understanding and knowledge. A higher power can make all wrong things right.

My heart goes out to every mama whose story didn’t have a happy ending. I can’t even begin to process what you have been through. May you find peace and rest assured that your angel knows just how much you love them ❤