Mamas, it is okay not too feel all positive about motherhood sometimes. I dare say, there are seasons when ‘sometimes’ is ‘much of the time’. It doesn’t make you weak or ungrateful, it just means you are human❤.

Photo by Augustine Dundos

This is a difficult confession to make because motherhood is seen as a role that one takes on naturally… and that things fall into place, and that everytime someone asks you, ‘how is motherhood treating you?’ your answer must be a resounding ‘great!’ even when you feel like the world and everything in it have conspired against you.

I struggle anytime someone says motherhood takes grace… I know they mean well. May be mum’s do have much grace, but when I am dealing with the challenges of motherhood, grace barely carries me through. Necessity does. I cannot pass the buck… I know that if I don’t do it, no one will. That keeps me going.

Raising children puts you on a collision course with your sanity. It is physically, emotionally and psychologically taxing.

Some mums have children with special needs and even while things are tough enough for all mums, a special needs mama keeps a whole lot more of what her journey is like to herself but who am I to even try to speak their truth❤

Mums struggle with chronic fatigue… you barely sleep at all…and when you are awake you are either breastfeeding or dealing with the intricacies of child care… a baby who won’t stay calm unless you are holding them, soothing a colicky baby… For me, one of my biggest awakening moments was the realisation that there’s a little human being that you are basically supposed to keep alive or else…?

You still have a lot of other roles to play. If you have a partner, you have the colossal pressure of rising above all that motherhood presents to be the partner you always hoped you would be despite having children. Intimacy may be the last thing on your mind. You are so fatigued, your body is sore from child birth and breastfeeding and you are still coming to terms with how much your body has changed since you had your baby… it’s nothing like it used to be… Accepting the new you takes time. You really just want to be left alone…

As a mum, I have found strength to keep going in these 7 ways:

1. Focusing on children getting older

I draw strength from seeing children grow and become more independent as time goes by. It doesn’t sound like much of a consolation for a newborn mum for instance, but it has power to keep you going.

2. Your partner in all this

There are different kinds of Dads, those who downright want nothing to do with hands on child care (in which case they don’t qualify to be referred to as Dads), then there are those who keep their participation in child care at the bare minimum…apparently they are ‘helping’ you… to raise their own child???‍♀️??‍♀️ and then there are Dads who want to be part of the process but aren’t sure what they should handle and what you rather handle yourself. Why can’t he ask? I honestly don’t know either… Tell him all the same because it isn’t always obvious.

4. Accept extra hands when they come calling

Accepting that you can’t do it on your own is a good place to start. Allow others to help you. Letting go of things you would rather do isn’t easy but sometimes it’s the only thing that will keep your peace of mind nicely tucked and safe.

Photo by: Augustine Dundos

5 Get into routine as soon as you can

This has kept me sane when nothing else could. Predictability keeps everyone a lot calmer and also creates time for you to do other things and get some rest too.

6. Talk, say how and what you feel

Talk to those you feel comfortable confiding in. Sometimes you just need to deflate to keep going. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if things seem to be slipping through your fingers.

7. If other mums have done it…

I draw so much strength from those six simple words. The challenges of motherhood have been experienced by those who have gone before us. Our mums did it in circumstances more difficult in many respects…and we turned out just fine❤

And when it’s all said and done… let’s give thanks for the blessings we have. It is an honour to nurture. May God guide us through  motherhood. Children are a gift like no other…❤❤